Wannabe Vampires Are Totally Pissing Off Real Vampires

Wannabe Vampires Are Totally Pissing Off Real Vampires

Posted by Emily Farris

Vampires are all the rage these days. With the popularity of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series, HBO's True Blood and the Sweedish vampire movie Let the Right One In, kids everywhere are appropriating vampire culture. No big deal, right? Well, it's no big deal unless you're a real vampire. And in that case, this fake vampire business is some bullshit.

Peter Rugg, from Kansas City's alt weekly, The Pitch, sat down with a few Midwestern vampires and learned that people who consider themselves real vampires actually drink blood (O negative "tastes like a dessert wine!"), that the consumption of blood is better when it's an erotic experience, and that these kids in their Hot Topic trench coats R DOIN IT RONG.

"A lot of people think they're vampires now," Sylvere says.

"I will say, though, reading those books True Blood is based on, they did their research," Lisa allows. "They even got the flavors of the blood types right."

"There are flavors?" I ask.

Lisa begins. "They got it right that the best one is ... "

"O negative!" they yell out in unison.

"Why is that good?"

"It's hard to describe," Lisa says. "It's sweet. It's like a dessert wine."

"How about AB positive?" I ask, curious if my own blood type — I'm the universal recipient — is any good. Lisa's smile freezes, and she rolls her head from side to side as if searching for a polite way to tell me that I'm unpalatable.

Sylvere scoffs. "Tastes great, less filling."

Most also describe the process in erotic terms. "It doesn't have to be sexual," Sylvere explains. "But it helps if it is, because then you're producing a lot more energy." Sylvere's needs are met more simply. She says she sups bits of energy here and there. For a truly satisfying feed, she requires that they be creative people willing to let her hover above them awhile. Writers and artists are good. Musicians are best....

Though they call themselves vampires, not all drink blood. They tell me that there are different classifications of people who genuinely believe they need more than food. The most common are psi-vampires, such as Sylvere, who say they drink in the energy from surrounding people and willing donors. Then there are the real blood drinkers, called sanguinarians. As they explain blood classifications to me, I wonder if their way of life would sound more acceptable if they presented it as a fetish rather than a health issue.

And just as there are people who are convinced they are vampires, there are people who are convinced, that they, like Buffy, are vampire slayers. This obviously creates some tension in the online vampire communities. While they use online threats in lieu of garlic and kung-fu, according to one Kansas City vampire, "Those people have problems. I don't even want to deal with that."

As for all those kids in their trench coats and plastic fangs? Lisa, a 21-year-old vampire is worried about them:

"I worry about them. They all have this romantic notion of what it's like. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't give it up for the world — it's who I am — but it's not all candlelit graveyard dances. If I don't feed, it doesn't kill me, but I feel constantly fatigued. Several times, I've slept for 12 hours without feeling rested. Not all of us are as nice as I am, and I worry that others could be taken advantage of — if not by one of our less reputable members, by a more human kind of predator using the persona to his advantage. Even excluding that, the number of blood-borne diseases is staggering. Would they think of having donors provide medical proof of health? Would they sanitize their knives? Would they remember that blood is precious? I don't know."

While we still don't crave anything beyond a bloody Mary, we are now more inclined to finally bust out the first season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer that a friend gave us. We know, we know. That's totally DOIN IT RONG.

[The Pitch: True True Blood]

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