(Universal Headlines, July 18, 2009) New York- World leaders around the globe were shocked yesterday by a series of intercepted satellite transmissions which point to advanced technology, unknown to any country until now. The transmissions were accidentally recorded by a secret Belarusian satellite off of the North American coast, and were at first mistaken for the now-banned lost Secret Tapes. Upon closer study however, experts were stunned to find the 3 transmissions to be the product of a far more advanced technology than that used in the world today. The senders of the transmissions, not to mention the intended recipient, remain a complete mystery. The exact nature of the technology that sent the transmissions can also not be explained by scientists, but is supposed to efficiently utilize the micronannon advances of the past several years (see related article). Micronannons were until now thought to be useful in only a limited field of high-tech functions. That is, acknowledge scientists, until yesterday’s accidental breakthrough. “It sure beats our shit”, remarked one Pentagon official.
The content of the transmissions have proven to be no less disturbing in their bizarre revelations. When decoded and deciphered, the transmissions make reference to the completion of a place called “WorldPoint” and its imminent consecration (see link for complete transcript of transmissions). The entire length of the transmissions is only around 18 seconds, and would seem to feature the voice of an adult, charming male. Unfortunately, the sound is extremely warbled due to our own inferior technology being unable to fully process the advanced data properly. But perhaps the strangest reference is a brief offhand remark in part of a longer garbed statement, to the effect of “enable proper........utterly........unnecessary........cinnamon, please........extreme........and..........The Crystal.” No further information is known at this time. (RSL contributed to this article.)