Dr. Verbraucher Feared Missing

(Universal Headlines, Geneva) Few were shocked today when it was officially announced that famed scientist and Founder of STOM Research, Dr. Otto N. Verbraucher, would not be attending the annual International Science Accolade Conference. Even outside the hallowed halls of Verbraucher’s STOM Research, there was no great surprise to learn that one of world’s leading scientists had embarked on yet another long scientific journey. Dr. Verbraucher, who would revolutionize modern living with his highly trained and cost efficient Monkey Teams, is widely known for his eccentricity and initiative. Fears were raised this time however, when Dr. Verbraucher failed to formally cancel any of his scheduled well-respected engagements. “There is no need for any sort of alarm,” says Dr. Randal Longfellow, Director of the Scientific Research Division at STOM Research. “Dr. Boucher told me to cancel all of his commitments for him.”

Longfellow and his top associates, including the renowned Dr. Keith Nanwood, Director of the Psychological Research Division, have assured the public that STOM Research was functioning perfectly and that Dr. Verbraucher generally relays his orders from his travels. “Dr. Verbraucher’s breakthroughs have ensured that STOM Research’s highly trained Monkey Teams can help society significantly progress”, says Nanwood. “We are all very proud.”

Longfellow and Nanwood said they expect it to be “business as usual” while Dr. Verbraucher is away and that they have made sure to cancel all of Dr. Verbraucher’s appointments. (RSL contributed to this article)