Speculation Grows Over 'Non'-existent Crystal

Universal Headlines - Katamon

Dr. Keith Nanwood deflected questions about crystals yesterday during a press conference outside of STOM Research, fueling speculation that he is in possession of the crystal. Until yesterday, no one in the scientific community had ever heard of the Crystal. An announcement by STOM Research early yesterday morning, however, that it would not comment on crystals sent many rights
groups on the left into a frenzy to file petitions under the Freedom of Information Act demanding access to crystal information.

The acclaimed International Human Rights Group admitted that its efforts were hindered by a lack of information about the information it is seeking. "We won't actually know if we receive information on the crystal, since we don't know how to tell the difference between 'the' crystal and 'any' crystal," John Smith, President of the International Human Rights Group said..Smith added that since Monkeys and humans originate from the same gene pool, STOM Research activity fell under the organization's purview.

STOM Research's Director of Activities, Samantha Fox, however, declined to comment on STOM Research activities.

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