STOM Research announces opening of Middle East Research Facilities

(Associated News) - Romema Jerusalem, STOM Research announced Wednesday that they will be opening a new office in Jerusalem Israel. The purpose of the institute's newest building is to promote accurate research in organizing monkey teams to complete simple yet tedious human tasks. The new facility will be guarded by a team of highly lethal Dual-purpose fighting monkeys.
STOM research officials where not available at press time to comment on rumors that one of the monkeys had attacked a homeless man asking for change.
STOM Research officials denied on Tuesday that Keith Nanwood, Director of the Psychological Research Division had harassed a group of German tourists who where loitering on the lawn of the premises. Nanwood claims that the group was asked nicely to leave after it became apparent that the German tourists where trying to feed the monkeys. None of the Germans where available to comment and calls made to the German Embassy where not returned. (AN)